he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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