'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
