He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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