Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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