It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
