Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
