i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
