Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
