How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
