im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What a dumb baby whore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
