I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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