I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even my farts smell like vagina
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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