i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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