I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How's work?
Spinning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
