I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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