I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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