I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
