So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
