There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
