Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
