I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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