you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
