how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
