It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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