I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
