I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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