yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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