i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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