Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
