Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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