"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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