you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
