it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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