I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
