Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
