You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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