this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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