and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
