That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
