o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
