i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
