I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
