his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
