So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
