Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
