she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
