Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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