You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
