yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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