If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
