I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
