Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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